austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

I tried to reach the Moon but when I got there

With the obvious increasing demands of spacetime I realized I had to begin a new efficiency program. Here's the first day:

6:08 am. Sit up in bed trying to understand how it could possibly be the evening already, and finally gasp that it's the morning. Progress is good as this is half an hour earlier than usual.

8:46 am. Stretch out, ready for action. Realize it's a bit of trouble finding the motivation to open my eyes, and wonder if this explains the darkness earlier. No. There is a lump of something by my feet which seems to be a cat. It's hardly fair to wake a cat, even when the cat turns out to be a tangle in the comforter. Tangles need sleep too.

8:47 am. Return to sleeping while wondering if closing your eyes extra-hard means the sleep will count for more.

11:47 am. Conclude the sleep does not count for more.

11:58 am. Start showering. Realize staying in the shower has risks: suppose while I was showering some mightily potent aliens with a strange agenda decide to send much of humanity off to another planet with nothing but the clothes on their back? I would barely be suitable for this ever, but if the clothes on my back were nothing but a light film of Alberto VO5 Vanilla Mint Tea shampoo I would be in really bad and embarrassing shape. I can reduce this risk by taking a shorter shower, but that implies taking a shorter shower. Mental argument: if some mightily potent aliens are not waiting for people to finish showering and get ready to face the day then they're the ones being jerks, not me.

12:14 pm. My 12,880-day track record of not being abducted by mightily potent aliens while in the shower remains intact.

1:02 pm. Realize I have caught in my mind a tin pan alley-esque tune, which is particularly dangerous. After the end of the song there's little reason not to return to the bridge so it's really endless. Worse, I realize it's mutating slightly, suggesting it may be an original composition of my mind and therefore impossible to find the song actually performed and try ending things that way. It's catchy, though, and I'd be glad if you heard it instead. Wonder if there's any way to get it to the sheet music trusts of 1897.

2:12 pm. Compose a splendid humorous reply to an ongoing Internet argument in which I had not previously participated over the differences between dashes and hyphens which would be good for a chuckle if the people who argued such things ever found humorous comments about them funny.

3:08 pm. Give up on searching the Internet for a currently ongoing argument over the differences between dashes and hyphens in need of my reply.

3:42 pm. Open up the first of a dozen e-mails which need reply and get to a splendid start by writing ``Hi there'' and ``The obvious thing to say is''.

3:44 pm. Develop an exciting new game based on four of the small cat toys, in which the objective is to hit one -- the ``cue'' toy -- into a ``target'' toy in such a way that the target toy goes between the other two ``goal'' toys. If successful, then the former target toy becomes the cue, and the goal toy which was not flanked by the cue and target last round becomes the new target. Play continues until a cat attacks my feet.

3:54 pm. Set out to the convenience store to buy liquid skin to cover cat scratches.

4:07 pm. Set out from the convenience store to the grocery store to buy liquid skin to cover cat scratches.

4:42 pm. Start load of laundry with blood-stained socks. Consider ways to develop virtual cat-toy game which can be played online with virtual cats who do not wield claws.

5:06 pm. Look back at partially written e-mail and replace ``obvious'' with ``natural''.

5:42 pm. Marvel at how much better than average this attempt is.

Trivia: Construction of New York City's IND subway system began on 14 March 1925, at the Washington Heights branch of the 8th Avenue Subway. Source: 722 Miles: The Building of the Subways and How They Transformed New York, Clifton Hood.

Currently Reading: Brave Men, Ernie Pyle.

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