austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64 KB

Austin Dern turns eight years old on FurToonia today. Even if I weren't already in a self-pitying mood because of the cold (37.1, but that after walking home) and my bad sleeping lately I'd be melancholy about this; that's the way birthdays tend to affect me, and FurToonia is a much less vibrant place than it was when I joined. Back then, of course, it was a designated backup place for when FurryMuck was lagged or crashed, and these days FurryMuck's not so unreliable and there are many more places to turn.

So I can't help looking at the birthday and seeing absent friends, people who just slipped quietly away or who deliberately left. Of those who remain even more are unavailable to me, just because my time zone leaves me active in the morning to the painfully early morning United States/Canada time, and people I do see are usually heading to sleep or slinking in between tasks at work.

The nothing-going-on reached a comic peak last November and December, when often I sat quietly in a room with a dear, beloved friend who had done something rather cruel to me. I insist on an apology before I'll speak to him again. He hemmed and hawed and several times seemed about to say something, but then hid off, another night spent ludicrously. I haven't seen him in a while and wonder how I could have assured him I don't want him to grovel at my feet; I just want him to say he's sorry.

I've sketched out ideas to move Austin's current FurToonia form -- a coati, of course, but made of living clay, with attendant magical powers -- to another muck; while the form is a great one for generating roleplay even for an inept clod like me, it needs a community to play against and there's barely one there. But thinking that way makes me feel like I'm choosing to flee the muck, and take away one of its unique wonders, and that leaves me to just sit up again, feeling melancholy and watching another virtual birthday pass by.

Trivia: The pressure wave of the explosion of Krakatoa circled the earth at least seven times before it faded enough barometers in Washington, D.C., and London were unable to detect it. Source: Krakatoa: The Day The World Exploded, Simon Winchester.

Currently Reading: Tracking Apollo To The Moon, Hamish Lindsay.


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