austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

Specialize in having fun

``I knew I was excited to read an article about a new way of manufacturing electronics using a property integral to salad dressing when I came across an article about a new way of manufacturing electronics using a property integral to salad dressing.''

``Lucky you did then, or what could you have done with the feeling?''

``I'd have had to leave it in the junk drawer for a later emotion. But I read it, felt a little dizzy, my legs tired, my throat got scratchy, and I started coughing.''

``You could be mistaking excitement over electronics manufacturing techniques inspired by salad dressing with a head cold. It happens all the time.''

``Surely not.''

``Not in the overnight hours, but many of the times. Mixing up excitement over electronics manufacturing and a cold is what makes Silicon Valley something not to be sneezed on by.''

``Sneezed at.''

``You can sneeze at Silicon Valley all you like, while it's not upwind. It's being sneezed on by it that's trouble, as you end up covered in social networks.''

``I doubt it's a cold. Have to see whether the feeling passes after the time it usually takes to recover from new-electronics-manufacturing-methods excitement.''

``Usually that takes about half the time needed to read the article about it. Recovering fully from a head cold can take as long as a career in the United States Senate.''

``Any method that works like salad dressing has great credentials.''

``Salad dressing definitely works great, at least as salad dressing. I used to say so daily until I noticed people were avoiding me.''

``In most surveys the dressing is the most popular part of the salad, followed by the second helping of dressing, the sprinkling of cheese --- ''

``That's optional cheese, right?''

``Or Parmesan. Next comes the third helping of dressing, the cherry tomatoes, the olives if applicable, the little bit of dressing that can't hurt, the plate, the fork, the bread omitted for clarity ---''

``Where does the broccoli place?''

``Low enough we can pretend it's little trees smothered by salad dressing flood. After that comes the plate again, nominated by people who really like the pattern.''

``Yet nobody's tried using salad dressing for electronics?''

``Appears they only just got the idea to try.''

``We might have had this breakthrough long ago if lunch were sooner.''

``Wouldn't work. That would make it breakfast.''

``You can have salad for breakfast.''

``Without breaking important state laws, admittedly, yet we don't. The explanation starts from how oil- and water-based liquids don't mix, like in dressings made of oil and water mixed together.''

``That's sort of lead leaves my eyes aching a little.''

``Mine too, unless that's the cold virus.''

``Achy eyes are a leading way viruses propagate, particularly the stupidest viruses. They depend on us, feeling sick, finding people we dislike and blinking at them.''

``That's better than what a brilliant virus might do.''

``What's wrong with electronics that they're making salad dressing from them? I may get angry at my phone --- ''

``You have my permission to.''

``--- But I don't want to chew it.''

``The problem is most electronic things are made by putting things on top of other things.''

``The problem? That sounds like a grand idea. I'd put things underneath other things, which is why my attempts at frosting cakes turn into such messes.''

``Right, but if you put one thing on top of the other you're counting on gravity to get them in the right places, and gravity is such a dowdy old force of nature who can really count on it? It's been overdue for bug fixes for billions of years by now.''

``And salad dressing instead works by taking indifferent plant matter like celery or beets and hiding them under things people like to eat.''

``Already they've used the process to make 64,000 self-assembling solar panels.''

``Has to be done with oil and water, though?''

``If I understand it.''

``Too bad. If they could make solar panels using blue cheese dressing we'd really have something.''

``A shortage of blue cheese dressing.''

``Oh ... yes. Good thing, then, that whoever discovered it wasn't dieting. We'd have to make electronics from light toast instead.''

Trivia: Pigeons do not have ``X'' and ``Y'' chromosomes, but instead have a single type of sex chromosome. Males have two copies of this; females one. Source: Superdove: How The Pigeon Took Manhattan ... And The World, Courtney Humphries.

Currently Reading: Baseball Before We Knew It: A Search For The Roots Of The Game, David Block. May have been a little hasty in declaring Abner Doubleday a Hindu. This appears to have been what his obituary said, in the attempt to simplify his Theosophical-connected beliefs in a way clear and concise enough that the average reader would get them wrong.

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