austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do

And now we've entered into the season of what might be charitably called ``changeable'' weather. I'm assuming that by we I mean you and me at least, although I'm open to making it a slightly wider group, if you know anyone interested. If you know enough people I might go home myself since I'm not very good at large groups of people, and small ones can be trouble too. If you feel the same way we could let these other people you know carry all the burden of being, though that seems to leave us out of any rewards from their existence, like from collecting on that changeable weather.

Anyway since there doesn't seem to be any way out for us --- I can't even figure a way out of that last paragraph and had to give it up instead --- we can talk about the changeable weather. I'm assuming you're living somewhere that gets changeable weather, or else I'm in real trouble. But I'm thinking of normal places. I don't mean someplace like Silicon Valley where, due to an XML error, the weather the past $00F9 days has been ``5001: Error Processing Error String 5001: Error Processing Error String 5001: Error Processing Error String ... '' and it carries on like that until the server is dragged out into the street and gets mercifully run over by two parka-wearing lizards riding a circus bicycle on a high wire.

The lizard thing seems like some kind of error too. Also it's none too clear what the subject of the error message is, since if there's something called Error that could do some Processing ... well, no point carrying on like that, what with how hard it is to get parkas onto lizards this time of year. Plus I bet it turns out nobody's made an actual ``parka'' since 1962 and they've just been selling a cheap imitation that they label a ``parka'' for marketing purposes, like they already did with ``cod'', ``Maryland'', ``pions'', and ``barber shops''.

The changeability of the weather comes around naturally as a result of .. and the air currents moving ... while the barometer falls off its hook and onto the floor where it hits your toe ... and the total insolation results in ... and what is your toe doing so far from your foot ... and so mostly it seems to be a plan to make people realize how much they lose when they don't have a thermostat. This suggests the whole season is just a promotional thing for the powerful thermostat industry. I don't want to sound that cynical, though, so perhaps it's a promotional thing for the weak thermostat industry. The stronger thermostats are probably more appropriate for the most extreme weather anyway.

But isn't that what we get? We set off in the morning and it's muggy and humid and steaming and somehow the car still needs to defrost until you're exactly late enough for work the boss will notice. Then you can set off with the air conditioning in, to see the temperature drop until it hits the barometer and rebounds, at which point you have to turn on the heater or go into a deep sleep lasting as much as a thousand years into the future. This gives the chance for the rain to start, and what do you bet it fakes us out and doesn't take the chance? That leaves the weather right to roll down the windows instead, turning the car into a whirling tornado of old White Castle napkins. You've never taken a White Castle napkin into the car, since the napkins are among the worst fast-food napkins out there, but they can't all be Subway napkins, can they? Finally you get wherever it was you were going, in two feet of snow and temperatures in the middle 80s, Fahrenheit, then Kelvin, then Celsius.

And it still leaves the problem how to dress for the anticipated weather. The only thing to do before setting out is to be ready with short-sleeved clothes, a change for long-sleeved, a light jacket, a heavy jacket, several pairs of shoes, extra socks, and stay home naked. The parka lizards might not know everything.

Trivia: From the start of May 1889 Weather Bureau forecasters were advised they may extend the time period of their forecasts up to two to three days when they felt conditions warranted. Source: A History of the United States Weather Bureau, Donald R Whitnah.

Currently Reading: Man Of High Fidelity: Edwin Howard Armstrong, Lawrence Lessing.

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