austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,

Hattie told Mattie, ``Let's don't take no chance''

``So, what do you think about woolen computers?''

``I don't think about them at all, but am now concerned what you mean by bringing the subject up. You're not trying to trick me into expressing opinion which will hurt my Senate campaign?''

``No, I wanted to learn about what you think, and didn't have anything against your Senate career in mind.''

``Good. The Senate has enough problems without me; it doesn't need you complicating things.''

``I'm sorry, are we having the same conversation?''

``I hope not, for efficiency. Gets our talking done in half the time.''

``Or does twice as much.''

``We'll never get a long weekend that way. Let's carry on separately and see where we get, so perhaps you can explain what's given you the daft idea of `woolen computers'.''

``Well, I saw a YouTube video of someone who was crafting a computer using mostly wool for the job.''

``You did no such thing.''

``I read about someone watching such a YouTube video. That's almost as good as having the experience of having an experience of experiencing something.''

``There, that attitude is what'll keep us both out of the Senate.''

``It'll take more than that, which is where the woolen computers prove useful.''

``Is it wool that's been turned into clothing or is it still natural?''

``Does the difference matter?''

``Obviously. Suppose it's been made into clothing. We could see the day any event's crowd is a vast field of computational pants dynamics. At least among crowds who're wearing pants. Each leg could be one of a pair of parallel pants processors.''

``Your conversation's taken an alarming turn. I don't want to think about the state mine's in.''

``I'm risking the idea people suppose find pants to be inherently funny.''

``And not necessarily ugly pants. They might be perfectly dull, and what's funny about that?''

``We could do better if we had the computer pants building brand-new thesauruses.''


``Yes, yours probably is in there.''

``It'd be reassuring to have our computers be clothes. Every time we got fed up we could ball our computer up and kick it at the wall at a nearly eighty percent savings in computer and foot medical bills.''

``Things work out differently if the wool hasn't been made into clothes yet.''

``There's less kicking.''

``Retaliation slows the whole kicking process. So does foot molasses.''

``But you'd have a whole field of ... it's sheep that wool come from, right? Cotton is the plant, wool the sheep, and yarn the far left corner of the crafts store?''

``You've got it, except for the little table up front with yarn samplers.''

``That's a relief. My whole chain of reasoning is thrown off if it's wool that comes from sheep.''

``You're pretty Danbury now.''

``You could have a pasture full of computer-enriched sheep. They'd be able to count themselves in milliseconds, bringing people to sleep in almost no time.''

``If they breed true you'll have enough ram.''

``The other way around, or the breeding won't come to anything.''

``Won't go anywhere, that is. Trouble is if you've got a whole flock of sheep whose bodies are growing computers during all the times in-between shearing then how do you program them? You can't go up to the average sheep, order it to simulate the air-flow around a new model car frame at 65 miles per hour, and expect compliance. The best hope would be they don't charge their heads into your stomach too hard.''

``That happens in dealing with any programmers. Surely someone would figure out the proper ewe I.''

``That joke can't actually make sense to me if we continue to pretend I heard it.''

``Is it that important that it make sense to you?''

``I wonder if sheep computers would run faster if the sheep are running.''

``If they're running downhill, why not?''

``I don't have any hills.''

``You don't have any sheep either. I have to suspect you're being contrary.''

``I've been helping you out even though I think you read the wrong thing about the video and mean to be thinking of people building wooden computers.''

``Wooden computers? Where's the sense in that?''

``What else, the nickels?''

Trivia: Spanish weavers of fustian, a blend of cotton and wool or linen, organized themselves as guilds in the 13th century; many streets where they worked are still named for the fustañeros. Source: Big Cotton, Stephen Yafa.

Currently Reading: Armageddon Averted: The Soviet Collapse 1970 - 2000, Stephen Kotkin.


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