austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,

A special underwater mike

I think I have reached the end of the Internet. I was chatting with someone about Saturday's Sherman's Lagoon (featuring an appearance by occasional plot device The Big Kahuna) and the conversation naturally turned to Jabberjaw. In particular it was mentioned the episode in which the villain has for some reason come up with a ray beam to turn humans into sharks, allowing the extremely dimwitted members of The Neptunes to feel the force of their aquatic society's racist anti-shark policies and not realize for altogether too many scenes that this is because they are sharks, dummies. I'm sorry, but they're really, really slow on the uptake here.

And since I can't get idiotic cartoons out of my brain I naturally leapt to another one in which, in the opening scenes, some sciencey types announce they've perfected a hat which will make the wearer's wishes come true, but they hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, and as they finish the sentence the villain of the day breaks in and steals the helmet. This qualifies as the wrong hands. So naturally I went to try pinning down these episodes by finding an episode guide, and here's where I made my discovery of the limits of the Internet.

Wikipedia does not have an episode guide for Jabberjaw.

They have episode titles, production codes, and initial air dates, yes, but not episode summaries. You can look at the titles and have to guess what corresponds to what. And it's not just Wikipedia: the top entries on a Google search for Jabberjaw episode guides turn up nothing but titles. It's staggering to think that this is un-Wikipediaed. Jabberjaw is a forgettable series, yes, but it's not like we're talking about The Skatebirds or Dinky Dog or Space Kidettes, this is a series normal people in their upper 30s remember watching for some reason. And that airs on Boomerang often enough. Finding a gap like this in the information record is like discovering nobody's written down anything about Portugal.

The shark transformation episode was ``The Great Shark Switch'', by the way. The magic hat one was ``Hang Onto Your Hat, Jabber''. (I found this episode on YouTube and discovered to my delight it features, in the modern vernacular, an epic sombrero fail.)

Trivia: A turbine failure caused the Sputnik I booster to cut off one second ahead of schedule.

Currently Reading: They'd Rather Be Right, Mark Clifton, Frank Riley. You know, last time I read this, the generally acclaimed ``Worst Hugo-Winning Novel EVER'', I thought there was lurking out around the corners flashes of smartness suggesting there was a better book on the brink of appearing from it. This time around, I think I was wrong. It's just dopey and boy does it read like the sequel to something. The scene about the essential five percent of the world and the 95 percent of slackers is still good stuff, though.


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