austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

We'll begin with a spin travelling in the world of my creation

Science and/or fun were had by all at this year's second 12th Annual fidgeton County Science and/or Fun Fair, in big heaping helpings drawing complaints from those people who insist giving fun to everybody means nobody has fun because it's all just there to make people feel better without doing anything. These people were locked in the closet and may be let out as soon as next year's second 12th Annual fair. If they're good. They never are.

Deanna Herpolhode and Rhonda Hamiltonian were honored for Phases Of Monster. Using a water tray and four units of refrigeration they showed the ice monster Hoarstron becoming the water monster Liquidor. While that was enough for the semi-finals and a path of destruction from Municipal Refrigeration Works to Onset Bay, they went further, showing how five evaporation units turn Liquidor into the vapor monster Steamadon. After averting the destruction of the Defunct Mill district these sharp eighth graders, aged respectively, applied several boxes of powder and spare cold to produce the gelatin monster Engoopula. Engoopula's highly wobbly rampage through the Polo Fields was then stopped by again their sharp thinking and knives. It is now in the final Phases Of Monster, that of cubed gelatin desserts at the Crumbled Asphalt Grand Chinese Buffet.

Ponsot Ellipsoid advanced human knowledge by three months in the course of three months studying how an in-joke becomes an actual joke. Careful tracking and the humane battering of test subjects with paper towel cardboard tubes revealed an in-joke begins by losing context and becoming a vague reference people don't understand but pretend to. If it continues use it transforms into a property tax database assessing the shore counties. Assuming the shore counties continue, the former in-joke alternatively turns into a Nor'Easter and ruins the weekend or it becomes a shared allusion complete with an incorrect etymology far too popular to obliterate. After this it can expect to spend between twelve minutes and four centuries as a large body of water suspected of being the Northwest Passage. When this fails, it has little choice but to become an actual joke, then shedding the minor delight it brought the world to become a passe reference. This was the conclusion, starting last year's research into nostalgia waves and whether we have them anymore. In conclusion, she notes, a six-letter word describing a place where rabbits live is ``wheel'', and we should eat those meatballs from the freezer sometime.

Biet Precession overcame a misspelled name (Arthru) to introduce to letters the genre of heron-punk. These tales of oddly dressed herons going about depressing landscapes may not be particularly punk but it feels odd to not have the suffix there. Letters appreciated the introduction but has no openings at this time, considering they are still trying to fully re-integrate ginab and stomp on the people trying to push interrobangs after their 800th rejection this month already.

Laman Revolute received a Local History award for proving the Curme Street Bridge was not named for Curme Street, nor for the Curme River. The street was named afterward, when it felt awkward having a Curme Street Bridge kicking about loose, and was built nearly twenty years after that. The bridge itself was named for chief architect Street Bridge, explaining that. There has never been a Curme River, except during the 1969 baseball season, when it ran through Seattle for the American League.

Julian Quadrature proved by relentless experiment that the paranoid suspicions of people who can't bring themselves to throw out the old toothpaste before starting the new are correct. Through skillful unrolling and re-rolling an old tube some more toothpaste can always be squeezed out, a conversion of mechanical work to toothpaste mass which defies nearly four of the unknown laws of physics. This work explains why the vast Crest mines of Syracuse, New York, have never threatened to run dry or even slightly less viscous-y gooish, as well as the catastrophic double flood of Strong Mint and Icy Mint which held up traffic last month. Julian took home a silver ribbon, and the police appreciate the public's help in its return.

Trivia: Matthew Boulton minted 100 tons of copper coins for the British East India Company in 1786. Source: The Lunar Men: The Friends Who Made The Future, Jenny Uglow.

Currently Reading: The Epic Of New York City: A Narrative History, Edward Robb Ellis.

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