Here's what's happening in the community this week:
Hyperbole Recognition Bee:
Schoolchildren from all grades except eighth, as well as a guy who was just walking by and got swept up in the excitement and hint of doughnuts, will go online and attempt to identify hyperbole. This challenging event has gone now 22,000 years, dating back to the Neolithic Era, without any correct identification, and literally dozens of statements meant as obvious exaggeration have drawn complaints from contestants about how they could not be true as stated. Excitement and thrills are expected if someone does win, as contest organizers haven't bothered buying any prizes in so long that they'd have to award copies of Pet Rock Feeding And Caring manuals that have been part of the under-seat car detritus for decades now.
(Fiddler's Swamp Recreation Center, Friday 7:15)
Giant Lizard Fleeing Practice:
It's spring and that makes for sufficient reason to see how prepared our giant lizards are to flee should the need arise. Listen for the fire alarms sounding in a rising, then lowering, then rising tone, then falling off their poles and being stepped on by unnecessarily panicked giant lizards. The mayor hopes to improve on last year's time if we can figure whether shorter or longer is an improvement.
(Perturbation Street, Sunday, 10 am)
Left, Right, Wrong:
Our monthly attempt to get left and right sorted out exactly right resumes following the readmission of socks to the agenda and the project to create all-new old-fashioned comedies based on people facing different ways colliding. Precariously long boards will be provided for people to hold on their shoulders and turn rapidly around. In a bold expansion of the agenda subjects will also attempt to sort out ``right'' meaning ``not-left'' and ``right'' meaning ``correct'' as they try to give directions on how to drive to the poker championship, across town in the same room.
(Puffed Bread Library Session Room B, Tuesday, 11:40.)
This is always one of our leading stick-based events. This year the Home, Garden, and Stuff club is providing new fireplace pokers and has kindly mowed the lawn to avoid further ``bad bounce'' scenarios. Last year's winner Catherine Benzoate will be on hand with bandages and tetanus booster shots. Remember that since the ``Massacre of 2007'' all balloons are to be left in the cloak room and all cloaks are to be left in the understudy dressing rooms of 19th century German operettas.
(Intermediate Lake Golf Clubhouse, Monday, 3:30 Until Fun And Games Break Out.)
Several six-session seminars seek students searching for certifications. Some sessions supply certification subjects; some see certification as solely sufficient for success. Subsessions and subcommittees star Cecily Sorbitol, Seth Sulfanomide, and certain select speakers from Certifi-Riffic Services.
(Electric Company Children's Workshop, weekdays, 4:30 pm)
What's funnier than dragging up the predictions someone made about the ways we'll live made twenty years ago and comparing them to anything any actual person would ever do? Dragging up the predictions someone made abut the ways we'll live made forty years ago, that's what. And sixty, too. Come with us on a tour of those nutty ideas we used to have.
(Fardelled Bear Insurance Company Lobby, Wednesday, 2:15, or on the street outside if they chase us out. Volunteers are asked to come a half-hour early and help us make up futurist projections in case we can't find enough.)
Giant Lizard Fleeing Regular Season Opener:
See if the lessons learned in the Giant Lizard Fleeing sessions came to any use as we put the home-team giant lizards up against the Giant Screeching Owl Evacuators of Tidal Floods in the home opener for both teams. Free hot dogs for the Moms and any surviving balloons will be given out to children who promise not to ask what they're supposed to get just from having balloons again, exactly.
(Combinatorial Avenue, Thursday, 2:07 1/2 pm)
[ Editor's Note: the Neolithic Era is regarded as beginning about 11,500 years ago. 22,000 years ago was something pretty Paleolithic and we thank through clutched teeth our readers for the correction. ]
Trivia: The Babylonian Zodiac sign corresponding to the Latin Cancer is not definitively known. Source: Mapping Time: The Calendar and its History, EG Richards.
Currently Reading: The Dancing Plague: The Strange, True Story Of An Extraordinary Illness, John Waller.