austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Wednesdays I leave work early for yoga, and I dress for yoga the last quarter-hour or so of work that day. This week I was walking out in shorts and a NordicTrack exercise shirt I got last week that's wonderfully richly blue. One of the folks on the first floor said of me, ``nice legs'', and called attention to them, and other people started looking at my bare lower legs (although I still had on dress socks and shoes because I'm not bringing in sandals to walk down two flights of stairs and out to the car). I took this all in good stride, smiling and whatnot and accepted it for the average kind of workplace chatter to be expected.

At yoga I got one of the floor spaces with a facing mirror, so I could look at myself in more than side poses. And there I was, looking at myself in this ... some kind of polymer shirt that's actually a little tight, in my chest and not my belly, and looked at my shorts, and could make out the contours of my body, and I realized: I look pretty good.

This is still a new thought for me, though bunny_hugger has had it long. From time immemorial to mid-2009 I was obese and mostly accepted my body as one of those things I had to have even if I didn't care for it much. Then I got not-fat, and even got thin, but I kept seeing this odd, strange body looking back in the mirror. This is the first time I remember looking at myself, and seeing a physically attractive me looking back.

I realize that other people, including several on my friends list, have much more serious and substantial body-image problems and adaptations to endure. But I don't want to forget that moment this week of realizing that I now have a body I'm fundamentally happy with. Even if it's lacking the cuttlefish-style complex chromatophores that would be so awesome.

Trivia: Salt was the only bulk commodity transported along the 334-mile Trans-Ohio Canal, begun in 1832. Source: Salt: A World History, Mark Kurlansky.

Currently Reading: A World Called Camelot, Arthur H Landis. You know this yellow-spine DAW paperback is not going to be a challenging work when the back cover copy says, ``armies and huge flying dragons were moving from the sinister southlands to overwhelm this world, much as the legions of legendary Mordor had moved to conquer Middle Earth''. It also tries insisting this fantasy novel is really space science fiction, so I'm surprised they just didn't grab some reviewer to blurb ``It's Lord Of The Rings meets Pern!'' and have done with it.

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