austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,
austin_dern
austin_dern

You know I don't like watching anybody make the same mistakes I made

Dramatis Personae: the IT person; the Programmer; the Other programmer; the Client Relations person.

Setting: a conference room with two tables and numerous chairs.

The characters, bearing two laptops, enter.

IT: Is this the room?

Relations: They said we could present here or in the break room.

Programmer: They don't know how many will be here either.

Other: I won't tell you how to do your job, but if they think the break room is enough it may be just a couple people.

IT: Want to rearrange the tables? One long row or two facing each other?

Relations: Depends how many come. Will the boss be here?

IT: Don't know. Haven't heard from him all week.

Relations: Did you send him a reminder?

IT: Nope. He might've come.

Other: Did you notice the doughnuts in the break room?

Programmer: Nobody's eaten any. They've been open two hours and nobody took a doughnut. What's it mean?

Other: They cut all the doughnuts in half. Who does that?

Relations: The doughnut shop, if you ask.

Other: You know who's the only person who wants half a cruller? The person who ate the first half, that's who.

Programmer: Their corporate culture buys bisected doughnuts that people don't eat. This doesn't bother anyone?

IT: [ Checking the phone. ] The boss was ten minutes away five minutes ago. He got lost.

Relations: So he'll be here in fifteen minutes.

IT: Can't blame him getting lost. I got lost driving you all up here. Ended up drifting around Wildwood.

Relations: Wildwood is easy. Parkway south and follow the signs.

IT: I ... right, that's why I won't be here for two hours.

Relations: It's getting *here* you could get lost. When are you going to Wildwood?

IT: I ... should check our room.

[ IT ducks out. ]

Programmer: Someone should be here, at least to set the projector.

Other: I'm not telling you how to do your presentation but if there's no projector you'll have to do it on the laptop.

Programmer: I thought you were presenting?

Other: I don't know about your thing but if I were doing your presentation I'd show that demo from a couple weeks ago.

Programmer: When our projector caught on fire.

Relations: Definitely! I'm not telling you how to do presentations but that was captivating.

Programmer: I need to go to the bathroom.

[ Programmer exits; IT returns. ]

IT: They say this is the room unless we want the other one.

Other: I'm not telling you what to do, but you should figure what room we're in.

Relations: Let's set up here.

IT: [ Sets a laptop on a desk without opening ] Set.

Other: Now, if I were doing this, and I don't know what all is being presented, I'd check the Internet was working.

IT: [ Opens laptop ] Internet's working.

Relations: Good thing we checked.

IT: Good thing I brought a mee-fee. Mee-fee. Mee-fee.

Relations: I think those are called mi-fi.

IT: They ... yeah.

[ Programmer returns, with half a cruller cradled in a napkin. ]

Other: Told you.

Programmer: They have a poem, on a sign, above the toilet. About if you're insufficiently dainty while 'tinkling'.

IT: Makes you wonder whose job is writing tinkle poetry.

Relations: They probably copied it.

IT: I ... thank you.

Other: You're worried they'll catch you in a tinkling violation?

Programmer: It unsettled me.

Other: You wash your hands after you wash your hands, you know.

Programmer: When they need it.

IT: [ Checking the phone ] The home office called. Most of our servers crashed and the survivors are resorting to cannibalism.

Relations: The servers or the people?

IT: I --- [ regards Relations curiously, as Relations exits ]

Programmer: I knew this would happen.

Other: If you knew you should've said something; we could've fixed it.

IT: And the boss says he's twenty minutes away.

Other: He's presenting to another client now, right?

IT: We have a winner!

[ Relations enters ]

Relations: They don't mind if we reschedule. Want to do this again next week?

IT: I'm off next week.

Other: Me too.

Programmer: I don't know why I'm here this week.

Relations: I already told them yes.

IT: Good job, everyone.

Relations: We're finally getting the hang of these.

Trivia: Early experiments in broadcasting orchestral music on the radio found the resonance of the room spoiled the sound. Attempts were made with the orchestra playing underneath a tent on the radio station's roof, sometimes to have the tent blown away. An indoor tent and, finally, sound-dampening wall covers, would solve the problem. Source: Only Yesterday: An Informal History Of The 1920s, Frederik Lewis Allen.

Currently Reading: Since Yesterday: The 1930s In America, Frederick Lewis Allen.

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