austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,

Your molars grind, your canines tear, incisors bite right through

I got the card for my dental plan, at last. Although it has one of those ``please call before using'' stickers on it, when I did call, they didn't have anything in particular for me to do to activate it. That's just as well since they had one of those logic-defying voice menus to get through anyway. ProTip for user interface designers: if the question you give the listener starts, ``if you are a member of our coverage plan'', the answer members are going to give is, ``yes''. Got that? ``If you are a member'' implies the answer members should give is ``yes''. Think of what a real live human being would say in response to that question, particularly if you're being boring and the respondent has no reason not to interrupt you. No one would guess that you're looking for ``member'' as the answer. Furrfu.

Anyway. According to them, my coverage began last year, but my election of the new dental care provider --- the one I had selected last year --- was effective as of the 1st of April. Who was my provider before then? As best they can tell, nobody. I'm curious about the logical implications of having dental coverage which had no properties except costing me money, but more, I wondered whether that meant I could now actually get a visit to a dentist.

No, of course not. While my selected dental supplier is willing to believe that I exist and that they're my selection, and while my dental maintenance organization agrees that I exist and they're providing coverage for me to that supplier, and that that coverage began effective the 1st of April, I can't actually get an appointment until the provider gets a new list of covered patients, which will not be sent out until the first week of May, and apparently will be sent by water oxen from a location in Malawi. Sometime after about the 9th of May I'll actually be able to make an appointment. Unless something goes wrong or weird and really, how could that possibly happen?

Trivia: The first recorded instance of freezing mercury into a solid was done by a pair of Russian scientists the day after Christmas, 1759, using a mixture of snow and acid and solidifying the fluid in their thermometer. Source: The Disappearing Spoon And Other True Tales Of Madness, Love, And The History Of The World From The Periodic Table of the Elements, Sam Kean.

Currently Reading: Day By Night, Tanith Lee.

PS: Mid-April 2012 Comics Review, since it's been a few weeks since I did that. Also Dana Simpson's comic strip starts today.


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