austin_dern (austin_dern) wrote,

You don't have to go on a diet; We always make sure that you're fed

I got to thinking more about Olive Garden's big plans for Fiscal Year 2015, for which I fully expect to be thanked by the powers at Olive Garden Master Command. Like their PowerPoint slide says, they're figuring on getting ``new plateware that lets the food be the star''. The picture makes it look like the food being the star means the food has to be much closer to the eye. That's easy enough to attain in photographing, given how starved so many cameras are for fast casual food, but how do you get the same effect in restaurants?

The obvious way is to keep the patrons' heads closer to the plates. The simplest way to do that, like I realized, is to take on staff who'll keep going around and pushing heads closer to the plates. But I've realized this can't work, because incidents will arise when the patrons remember they have access to knives and forks, unless Olive Garden decides to do without cutlery altogether. Perhaps they have, since their PowerPoint slide distinctly spoke about getting new plateware and many people, if you call them and ask if they think forks are plates, will answer, ``What? Who are you? How did you get this number?''

All the rest of this is over at my humor blog. Also run there since last week and the intense little personal drama I Should Have Gone To Burger King has been:

Trivia: Philadelphia's Shibe Park, plans for which were unveiled in March 1908, would be the first fireproof ballpark, made of steel and concrete, and cost $457,000. The home team's locker room had three showers; the visitors', two. Source: Crazy `08: How a Cast of Cranks, Rogues, Boneheads, and Magnates Created the Greatest Year in Baseball History, Cait Murphy.

Currently Reading: The World of Swope: A Biography of Herbert Bayard Swope, E J Kahn Jr.

Tags: humor

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